Girl Culture

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is related to how we feel about ourselves: it's not just how we look but how we feel about how we look. And it's not just how successful or smart others say we are, but how confident we feel about our own talents and abilities.

What is positive self-esteem?

Positive self esteem means we have confidence and satisfaction in ourselves. It relates to how we feel about our own physical appearance. It is how we perceive our value to the world and how valuable we are to others.

Sometimes it’s easy to like who we are. We feel great when we pass a test, score a winning point or tell a funny joke that everyone laughs at.

Positive self-esteem gives us the strength and courage to take charge of our lives and grow from our mistakes, without the fear of rejection.

What is low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem is a feeling that can keep us from realizing our fullest potential. When we have low self-esteem, we can feel unworthy, incapable and incompetent.

Why is self-esteem important? How can you raise low self-esteem?

As a teen, you now have more opportunity to choose between right and wrong. Your parents are slowly starting to let you make you own decisions. Positive self-esteem gives you the courage to be your own person, believe in your own values and make the right decision when in a situation you are not used to.

Fitting In:

There is a lot of pressure from your friends to conform to the ways of a certain “crowd”. Belonging to a crowd is part of growing up. It helps you learn to be a friend and learn about the world around you. It doesn’t end once you become and adult.

It’s ok to want to be liked by others – but NOT when it means giving in to something you don’t believe in. Your friends are now making their own decisions also and their decisions don’t have to be your decisions. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and what you believe in. Don’t be afraid to say “NO”!

For instance, you already are aware that drinking alcohol to be part of the “cool” crowd or using other illegal drugs, having sex before you are ready, joining a gang or quitting school can all have severe negative consequences.

• Drinking and driving can lead to serious injury or even death.
• Sex can lead to unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
• Joining a gang can lead to illegal behavior and possibly jail.
• Quitting school takes away from your ability to be successful later in life.

Acceptance:

It’s important to recognize when you have made a mistake and to learn from that experience. We have all made mistakes or done or said things we wish we hadn’t but it is important to forgive yourself for your actions and move forward knowing you will not make the same mistake again.

First, you have to be honest with yourself. Figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are. Don’t compare yourself to others. Learn to accept you for who YOU are. Don’t try and pretend to be somebody different. Be true to yourself!

Feelings of low self-esteem often happen over a long period of time and can last a lifetime. Learning to let go of these feelings that seem to be a permanent part of who you are and these behaviors is not an easy task. It will take time, hard work and commitment on your part, and it may require professional counseling. However, there are some simple, positive techniques that can be used to help you build up and improve self-esteem. These techniques are called goal setting and affirmations.

Set realistic goals for yourself and make sure they are SMART

• S – Specific
• M – Measurable
• A - Attainable
• R - Relevant
• T – Trackable

Start with a one simple thing you would like to change about your life. Make sure to choose something that can be changed. Make sure it is something that is realistic that you feel will benefit you by changing. Keep that change permanent. When you accomplish this, set a new goal you want to change. Take it one step at a time.

Don’t forget to celebrate your achievements along the way.

Using affirmations to stop negative self-talk is a very simple, positive way to increase self-esteem. Affirmations are encouraging messages we can give ourselves every day until they become part of our feelings and beliefs. Affirmations work best when a person is relaxed.

An example of an affirmation:

You can replace “I made a stupid error during my game today, and I am no good at this sport,” with “Yes, I made a mistake but I have learned from it, and now I can try harder.” You can start each day by looking in the mirror and giving yourself a positive message.

These examples of affirmations can start you in the right direction:

• I respect myself and others
• I am lovable and likable
• I am confident, and it shows
• I care about myself
• I am creating loving, healthy relationships
• I am a good friend to myself and others
• I accept myself just as I am
• I am beautiful

Only you know what is best for you. When you value and respect yourself, it helps you to avoid making bad decisions, which may affect the rest of your life.

If you need help, go to your parents, someone you trust in your family, a favorite teacher or a counselor. They WANT to help you.