Are You At Risk?

Sometimes it's hard to see for yourself if you are in an abusive relationship. The list below gives some very important warning signs. If you or someone you know can relate to any of these “red flags” please don't feel you are alone and reach out to either a hotline or local domestic violence center for support. See our resources section for more information.

  • Tell you that they can't live without you?
  • Break or hit things to intimidate you?
  • Threaten to hurt himself or others if you break up with him?
  • Act unreasonably jealous
  • Pressure you into having sex, or force you to do sexual things you don't want to do by saying, "If you really loved me you would..."?
  • Humiliate you and belittle your opinions?
  • Slap or shove you in a seemingly playful way, but it happens often and it doesn't seem right?
  • Constantly check up on you, and ask where you are and what you are doing?
  • Have severe mood swings or constant bad moods?
  • Want you to limit your school activities, so you can "be together more"?
  • Blame past bad relationships on everything and everybody else instead of accepting any of the responsibility?
  • Abuse drugs or alcohol and pressure you to do the same?
  • Treat you like property rather than a person they value?
  • When angry, call you name, kick, hit, and push you?
  • Force you to choose being with them over your family and friends?
  • Make you feel like their needs and desires come before yours?
  • Make you feel afraid to express your own thoughts or feelings, make decisions about how to spend your money, what to wear, where to go, or who to hang out with?
  • Lash out or blames you for their "bad day"?
  • Tell you they dislike your family or friends?
  • Constantly threaten to break up with you, or constantly accuses you of planning to break up with him?
  • In a healthy relationship, both people should feel that they are accepted, cared about, and valued for who they are. Partners shouldn't have to pretend to be someone they aren't to keep a relationship going.
  • Partners should respect each other's opinions, decisions and boundaries. Both partners should have equal say in the choices made about the relationship. It's unhealthy for one person to have significantly more control than the other.
  • Relationships need to be built on trust. Partners shouldn't have to give up their individuality to be a part of a couple. Partners should be comfortable in letting each other pursue independent activities and continue other friendships. Likewise, partners need to be sure they are honest with each other to help maintain that trust.
  • A caring partner is concerned about your well-being and wants what is best for you. They help you celebrate your successes (without jealousy) and support you in times of trouble.
  • A relationship should feel emotionally and physically safe. In fact, a healthy relationship should be one of the places where you feel safest of all.
  • If you are a victim of relationship abuse, don't blame yourself but do seek help. Talk with people you trust and seek services. Contact your local domestic violence shelter or the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline.
  • If you feel you are in immediate danger, please consider a SAFETY PLAN and call your local police department. See our RESOURCES page for more info.


you cannot change your abuser, and in time it will only get worse. You need to take care of yourself.